My love !!!My Shadow!!!!

When i see myself in a mirror, I find the shadow of you on me , the shadow which cannot be erased from my heart. I completely become numb and lost in my own and couldn't think of what is going on my mind. People stare at me, some yell at me but I am in my own world .My life been filled with full of  pain, miseries and fear. The fear that is following me from the last twelve years and which is still haunting my mind, the frightening nightmare that have made me silent.

Oh, God what sin I have committed in my life ??Am I the only one in this world .People call me that I am crazy, some call me mental, some say to others pointing towards me that ‘he was a psycho. One only knows his/her pain when he or she goes through such tormentful situations .However, the pain inside me is slowly killing me .I lost my love!! In these arms she took her last breath. I love her more than myself; she was my life .I myself being a doctor could not save her. What’s the use of me being a doctor,she was suffering from a cardiac arrest .She looked at me continuously ,tears slowly coming in her eye .She was having a deep pain inside. Ohh!!How could I see her in pain??? I embraced her, her bossoms rested upon my  chest,in such a hurry I carried her up and took her to the village nearby. Not a single hospital  on that village,villagers said me that the only one health post had been also closed for more than eight years.I have no single resources to do her operation .She felt strong restlessness and shortness in breath.

She became unconscious I pressed her heart with my hands and tried to give her CPR(Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation) but there were no signs of response from her. I checked her pulse, no pulse signal received. I cried saying No Kristine!! Kristine!!.Stream of tears flowed from my eyes still in the hope I patted on her cheeks and said wake up Kristine Kristine!!!.But, it’s too late ,she left me and went to the God in heaven. After, that incident I completely become lost in her thoughts, everywhere I used to see her face, the face that she made before dying. I resigned from my hospital and stayed at home most of the time in a lonesome room. No talk with my mum and dad and not even  a single talk with my friends and strangers. Staying outside of the temple not talking with anyone else has became the daily activity of my life.

While I was quietly sitting on the verandah of a temple a small little girl came towards me and said ‘Uncle, pass that ball please!!!Uncle!!!Uncle!!!!I was fully obsessed with the same incident and when she sharply yelled at me with her shrill voice are you deaf then finally my eyes moved towards her. I said what are you looking for she smiled and said could you please pass that ball to me. Ohh!!, I am sorry I didn’t hear your voice earlier. Here’s your ball please take it up. I gave the ball to that sweet little girl. The girl replied to me and said thank you and said that may god bless you. I said I don’t believe on God. She said why you don’t believe on God. I said forget it. She continuously asked me and I said if God had been there then My Kristine!!My Kristine!! need not have to die with such a pain leaving me in this whole world completely alone .I will never let the God to forgive for what he had done .He had left me all up with tears,pain & agonies .Now, I only have the remembrances of my Kristine’s.

She said that her mother tolds her soul never dies and even after one leaves somebody he or she has to leave for the others. And she asked me to close my eyes and feel the presence of my love and let talk with my Kristine. Whatever she said I did and I have never done this before I felt the presence of my Kristine. Her hands touched my cheeks and she smiled and hugged at me just like in the past times. This was a unique feeling. I said to my love, “my baby all these years I was alone!!Why you left me alone baby?” She smiled and said to me I was always with you, near you and the thing is that you just didn’t felt my presence. At this moment I was so happy and on that very day I knew that the bondage of love last forever for years after years even after your death.

Still my eyes were closed I opened my eyes to thank the little girl but I couldn’t find her .I searched her continuously and then all of a sudden one man came near towards me and said the girl wearing the red hat already went off .Her mother took him near from the verandah of the temple forcefully cause his father was already late for the office.

Everyday I come to the same temple to thank that little girl and it’s been almost seven years but I am unable to see her.

Author/Written by:RITESH ROKAHA